My love.

You are not selfish or in any way wrong for feeling like this. In this case, part of me really is to blame, but it isn't for not loving you.

One of the problems I've always had was expressing my feelings to others. It's not something new, and it's not only with you. This problem has come up for me in the past. In fact, it generally comes up more often with and from the people whom I love most. Like my family. Now, you know that I love my family. However, I hardly ever, ever tell them that. Why? For some reason, those words always get stuck in my throat. I don't feel like saying them is right. Not because I don't mean them, but because they just feel so empty, and used so frivolously. Maybe I feel like, if I say it, it's because I'm trying to convince myself that the words are true. But I know my feelings. And I try hard to make them manifest in their own way. I try hard to show you that I love you, and how much I love you, with the choices I make, and the ways in which I try to help you, and bring you closer to me.

Regardless of what my reasons are, you are right for wanting this small thing from me, especially since it means so much to you, and I am wrong in not knowing to give it to you.

I want you to know that you cannot love me more than I love you. But my love is not like a fire, burning fierce and passionately, and which will eventually burn out. My love for you is gentle, and slow, and it is patient, and caring. That which I cannot show you in a moment, will be overshadowed by what you'll see looking back after a lifetime together, yea, even so much that you would not see it.

I am sorry for how this has hurt you. I have no wish but to make you happy, and healthy, and fuitful, and content. I will do in my part what I can, because without it, these are only words, and I long to show you. Nevertheless, do not doubt, and always remember, even if I should forget to say it, that I love you. And I ask you to be patient with me. This is only the first year of many.


With all of me, I love you,
Malick